the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
