I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
