i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
