WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
