We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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