really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
