great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
