I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
