what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
