i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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