I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
