If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
