omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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