We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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