Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
