I met the friendliest cop last night
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
