if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Randomize
