Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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