is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
