He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
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I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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