Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
