I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
