Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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