there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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