Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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