she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
