She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
