you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
