Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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