Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she told me i tasted like america
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
