there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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