so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We got so high we made milksteak
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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