Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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