i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
