Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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