i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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