we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
