I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
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Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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