you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Operation Purity has been aborted
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
