hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
