question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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