I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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