my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
