So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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