I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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