3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Randomize
