at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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