Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
