Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
