sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
