You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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