I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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