shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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