then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
false alarm. still invincible.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
