Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
