I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
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How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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