If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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