i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
