hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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