I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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