So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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