He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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