check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
