after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I came so hard my ears popped.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
