they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
