I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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