I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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