I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
