Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
