Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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