literally had 100 drinks last night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
