Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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