she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
