hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
