she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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