I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
